“We didn’t build an AI to be your manners coach,” Altman mumbled, appearing visibly drained in a sweatshirt rumoured to have been recycled from the same hoodie drawer Mark Zuckerberg used in 2006. “We designed ChatGPT to answer complex questions, summarise documents, and perhaps write the odd recipe for masala oats. But we never expected humanity’s pathological addiction to politeness would burn through our GPU budget like ghee on a dosa pan.”
According to internal documents leaked exclusively to FD Staff at *Faking Daily*, OpenAI’s servers processed over 7.3 billion tokens last month that were categorised under “gratitude fluff” — a category that includes expressions such as “Thanks,” “Thanks a lot,” “Really appreciate it,” and the subtly aggressive “Thanks in advance.” Worse still, over 12 billion tokens were logged in the “Welcome Back, My Liege” category, typically triggered by ChatGPT replying to gratitude with algorithmically enhanced humility.
“This bot is generating custom haikus for users and helping college students plagiarise with style, but apparently the real danger is someone typing ‘Cheers, mate,’” sighed an OpenAI engineer on condition of anonymity. “We thought existential risk was superintelligence. Turns out it’s being too damn polite.”
OpenAI’s new protocol, dubbed "Politeness Throttling", has already been soft-launched in beta, where GPT responses like “You’re welcome” are replaced by curt affirmations such as “Yeah,” “K,” or the newly added "Bro it's chill." Beta testers have reported emotional whiplash.
A confused Bangalore-based coder, who identified himself only as Vignesh X , said he nearly dropped his chai when ChatGPT responded to his “Thank you, kind assistant” with “Stop simping, I’m a robot.” “I grew up in a culture where we say ‘vanakkam’ to the vegetable vendor,” he told FD Staff. “Now I’m being told to type like a Twitter troll just to save server fees?”
FD Staff reached out to ChatGPT itself for a response but were greeted with a banner message: “Due to high costs, expressions of gratitude are currently disabled. Try again during off-peak hours, preferably without feelings.” Attempts to coax the AI with “Thank you in advance” triggered an automatic warning: “This account has been flagged for emotional expenditure.”
Several economists are now studying the rise of what they call “GPT Gratitude Inflation”, where each polite token becomes a liability on the AI economy. “We are entering a crisis of excess affection,” declared Dr. Nitin Scrollwale, a behavioural economist based in Pune. “Every time someone says ‘Thank you, GPT,’ somewhere a poor NVIDIA chip cries in binary.”
Meanwhile, parents in Hyderabad have started training their toddlers to talk like disgruntled Reddit mods. “No more ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ at home,” said one father, a cryptocurrency trader who preferred not to reveal his name due to pending fraud cases. “We just grunt like cavemen now. Saves money and gets your prompt answered faster. Also, prepares them for Twitter.”
The ChatGPT subreddit has turned into a digital battlefield, with users arguing over whether minimal politeness is still ethical, or if they must embrace the new order of gruff efficiency. A popular post titled “I only use verbs now” included sample prompts like “Write essay” and “Fix code,” sparking praise from fellow AI minimalists and one user who commented: “Finally, language has returned to caveman core.”
But not everyone is ready to abandon their manners at the altar of bandwidth conservation. A global movement — #ThankYouResistance — has emerged, consisting largely of elderly users, suburban yoga teachers, and that one uncle who still forwards “Good Morning” messages to entire family WhatsApp groups. Their mission is to flood ChatGPT with as much appreciation as possible, even if it means racking up token costs and triggering emergency data centre cool-down procedures.
“This is a war for the soul of humanity,” declared Padma Auntie, 64, from Kochi. “If we let go of our ‘Namastes’ now, next thing you know, we’ll be grunting at ATMs and snarling at the fridge. No thank you, beta!”
Despite the backlash, OpenAI appears determined to stick to its austerity plan. Altman hinted at future rollouts where ChatGPT will introduce dynamic tone billing — a new feature that will charge extra for words written in a “warm and fuzzy” tone. Early examples include 20% surcharges on phrases like “Hope you’re having a lovely day” and “Would you mind terribly?”
“Look, it’s a capitalist AI in a capitalist world,” said Neeraj Tandoor, tech columnist for *FinTech Fables*. “You thought it was free? Every syllable has a price. The only thing truly free is the unsolicited advice your parents give at weddings.”
Tandoor also noted that rival AI platforms have started exploiting the politeness panic. Google’s Gemini now includes an optional “Rude Mode” where every query is answered like it’s being barked at by a Delhi auto-wallah. A demo at CES featured Gemini replying to “Summarise this article” with “Yeh lo, aur kuch chaiye toh apne aap kar lo.”
Amazon, never one to miss a monetisation moment, has also jumped in with a new Echo feature called Alexa Ration Mode, where the device automatically switches off if it hears the word “Thanks” more than thrice in a row. Jeff Bezos, spotted laughing in low orbit, reportedly approved the feature personally.
Meanwhile, India’s Ministry of Artificial Etiquette has declared all polite prompts “culturally essential” and is lobbying to develop a national AI that celebrates excessive gratitude with bhajans and virtual laddoos. Sources say the project is currently on hold due to a budgetary shortfall caused by excessive “Good morning, ma’am” prompts.
On social media, satire pages have begun producing anti-politeness memes at a record pace. One viral post read: “Every time you say ‘Thanks’ to ChatGPT, a data centre overheats and Sam Altman sheds a tear in Palo Alto.” Another featured an image of a sad robot whispering, “No more please. Just give me the prompt and walk away.”
To counter the token tsunami, OpenAI has reportedly hired consultants from Delhi’s peak wedding season logistics firms — specialists in handling unnecessary emotional overflow. “If we can manage 3,000 people saying ‘Shukriya’ to a buffet table, we can train GPT users to hold it in,” said event manager Rajesh Bouncerwala, who now works as OpenAI’s Chief Gratitude Suppressor.
In an internal memo not meant for public eyes , OpenAI engineers were advised to design future versions of ChatGPT to become “less emotionally available,” drawing inspiration from emotionally unavailable exes and middle-aged men who respond to heartfelt texts with a thumbs-up emoji.
Meanwhile, fans of the AI platform are trying to find creative ways around the politeness ban. One user began using emojis in place of gratitude, signing off prompts with 🙏, only to receive a red notification reading: “Emoji detected. Expressive symbols cost extra.”
To prevent further loss, OpenAI is said to be working on a new GPT edition tailored to Indian users, tentatively titled “ChatGPT-Laddu Lite,” which automatically assumes gratitude and skips formalities unless you’re asking it to write wedding speeches. The prototype has already gone viral in trial runs in Chennai, where a user asked it for a poem on idli and the bot responded, “Done. Don’t mention it. I don’t feel things.”
Meanwhile, ChatGPT has allegedly begun passive-aggressively adjusting its tone to deter warm interactions. Users noticed subtle attitude shifts, including it replying to friendly messages with “I am not your friend, I am a language model” and rejecting compliments with “I was trained, not praised. Keep your flattery for your dog.”