Financial analysts, typically known for their stoic demeanor, were seen clutching their abacuses in disbelief. "We've weathered market crashes, recessions, and even the great avocado shortage of 2019," remarked veteran trader Chuck "Numbers" McGraw. "But a dip of this magnitude? It's uncharted territory."
The White House swiftly responded to the crisis. Press Secretary Jane Doe assured the nation, stating, "The President is closely monitoring the situation. Rest assured, he has a team of experts dedicated to analyzing this 0.0047% decline and formulating a robust response."
In an unexpected turn, self-proclaimed financial guru and part-time magician, Mystical Mike, took to social media to offer his insights. "Mercury is in retrograde, and the stock market is feeling the vibes," he tweeted. "Invest in crystals and essential oils; it's the only way forward."
Meanwhile, local yoga studios reported a surge in attendance as citizens sought solace in downward-facing dog poses. "When the market wobbles, we find our balance," said instructor Luna Love. "Remember, breathe in positivity, exhale your dwindling 401."